The laundry can wait...
Finding balance between caring for others and caring for yourself.
Yet so many women feel guilty whenever they take time for themselves.
As we move through different phases of life, women often become experts at putting everyone else’s needs before their own. We become caregivers, planners, problem-solvers, and emotional support systems for the people we love.
As a mother, I do this all the time. My children usually come first. For many years, my spouse’s needs often came before my own as well. At the end of some days, I find myself wondering, “What did I do for myself today?”
We cook meals based on what our children like and what our spouses enjoy.
We plan vacations around everyone else’s interests.
We shop for things the family needs before considering what we need ourselves.
There is nothing wrong with caring for the people you love. The problem begins when caring for others becomes your entire identity.
When weeks, months, or even years go by without prioritizing yourself, stress, exhaustion, and resentment can quietly creep in. You may not notice it at first. But eventually, you feel drained, overwhelmed, and disconnected from the person you used to be.
If you’re a working mother, it’s okay to spend some time on yourself after work. Go for a walk. Take a yoga class. Ride your bike. Read a book. The dishes can wait. Your children will be okay.
If you’re married or living with a partner, it’s okay to make a meal that you enjoy even if they don’t. They will survive. They can make something else or grab takeout.
If you work and earn your own money, save a little for yourself. Buy the book, take the class, get the massage, or enjoy the hobby that makes you happy.
Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive or complicated.
Take a nap.
Read a chapter of a book.
Take an Epsom salt bath.
Meditate for ten minutes.
Watch your favorite TV show.
Sit outside with a cup of tea and do absolutely nothing.
None of these things are selfish. They are necessary.
I recently came across the term “Goblin Mode,” which is about allowing yourself to exist without constantly trying to be productive or meet everyone else’s expectations. There is something surprisingly refreshing about giving yourself permission to simply be once in a while.
I see many mothers spend every waking minute taking care of their children. Depending on their age, children require a tremendous amount of attention and energy. But parenting is a long journey and constantly sacrificing yourself for that entire period is not sustainable.
My suggestion is to find the balance. When there is no balance between “me time” and “us time,” eventually everyone suffers.
Raise your children to take ownership of age-appropriate responsibilities instead of doing everything for them.
Encourage your spouse to take time for themselves, and make sure you take yours as well. Meet your friends. Pursue your interests. Do something that reminds you that you are more than your responsibilities.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself is not a luxury. It is not a reward you earn after everything else is done.
It is part of taking care of your family, your relationships, and your future self.
And you deserve that care too.
Signing out,
Sana