don’t beg for love..
Don’t beg anybody for anything, especially love. – Toni Morrison
Dear readers,
Don’t beg for someone’s time, commitment, or attention.
This is something I touched on before in my previous post on how women shrink in quiet ways just to be loved. I want to pause on that thought and dig deeper because it’s so common, so human, and yet so damaging.
I see it often in young women, from their teens through late twenties, chasing love like it’s the only form of validation. Begging for attention, hoping for commitment, pleading to be chosen. Then it continues into pushing for engagement, rushing into marriage, wanting children just to feel settled, and later, begging for emotional connection inside that marriage.
Why do we do this?
The mold we try to fit into
Part of it comes from the rigid molds we’re handed. Society quietly lays out a timeline for us:
Late teens–25 — date and get engaged.
25–30 — get married.
30–35 — have children.
35–60 — work, raise children, support parents and work more.
60 and above — retire.
And if we deviate from that pattern, we’re told something’s wrong. So, we bend ourselves to fit, even when it doesn’t feel right.
But life isn’t a formula.
You don’t have to have a boyfriend in your teens and it’s okay.
You can focus on your studies until your late twenties and marry later and it’s okay.
You can stay single longer, build a career, and never have children and it’s okay.
Or you can choose a completely different path and it’s still okay.
The truth is, when you go against your instincts just to appear “normal,” you lose touch with yourself. That’s when you start seeking love, validation, and belonging from others and beg because you’re afraid of standing alone.
Here’s the hard truth:
When love has to be begged for, it’s already slipping away.
The kind of person who makes you plead for their affection is not someone who will hold it with care. And even if your begging seems to work, it’s temporary because real love doesn’t need convincing.
So don’t beg. Ever.
The wholeness within you
Another reason many women beg is this quiet belief that being loved makes us complete. That a relationship somehow validates our existence.
But that’s an illusion. You are already complete.
The right person should complement your wholeness, not complete it.
To feel whole, you have to build yourself with confidence, education, independence, and self-trust. Explore your interests. Learn new skills. Travel if you can. Grow socially. Fill your own life with experiences that remind you how capable and enough you already are.
When you do, love stops being something you chase. It becomes something that finds you when you’re ready.
Walking away with grace
I’ve seen women beg men to stay, to choose them, to care again. And every time, I’ve seen how much power they hand over in the process.
Please don’t beg.
Learn to walk away.
Let go of the expectations.
Be patient with your own becoming.
Put your energy into self-growth, not self-doubt.
Because when you have to beg for love, you’re with the wrong person.
A balanced view on love
I am not dismissing real love. When it comes, don’t turn cold. Real love doesn’t confuse you. Genuine affection can be profound and enduring. It never makes you question your worth. The difference lies in how you arrive there. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, shared values, and equal give-and-take not on pleading. Real love holds steady.
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Signing out,
Sana