Little Ways Women Shrink Themselves!

Too often, in our quest to be ‘nice’, we shrink. We play small. We nod along. Before we know it, we’ve not only lost respect, we’ve lost our seat at the table.

We are following the script we were handed. Play nice, fit in, don’t ruffle feathers. Sure, it keeps the peace but when overdone, it costs us a lot.

Let’s dig deeper into this.

Self-doubt is a big one. We feed our inner critic more than we should, underestimating ourselves constantly and we pay the price for it.

We don’t apply for jobs unless we meet every single requirement. Big miss! We wait and wait. If you only apply when you check all the boxes, you’re not leaving yourself room to grow.

If we’re offered a position, we often negotiate poorly, afraid to come across as too demanding. Instead, know your worth. Do your research before stepping into the negotiation.

Once in the role, we hesitate to ask for raises and promotions, and miss out on opportunities.

By being too humble and downplaying our success, we shrink ourselves. For example, women managing projects often highlight only the team’s contributions instead of giving themselves credit for leading the project spectacularly.

We hold back our excitement and intelligence so we don’t “outshine” others. But men don’t usually do that. Why should we? Seize opportunities to share your ideas and they might be exactly what the team needs.

We’re often too polite, scared of hurting someone’s feelings. But it’s okay to say no politely. It’s a hard skill to master, but boundaries earn respect.

And here’s another big one: waiting for the right moment to speak up. At work or at home, we hesitate, waiting for that “perfect time.” But truthfully, the moment you want to speak is the right moment. The perfect time doesn’t arrive in a carriage. More often, it never arrives at all, and the opportunity is lost. I’ve been there many times, regretting words left unsaid.

And when someone interrupts you in a meeting? Don’t just let it slide. Call it out.

Then there’s being naive. Some think it’s “cute” to say, “I don’t know how.” Sure, you don’t have to be an expert in everything, but with resources available everywhere today, at least give it a try.

We also shrink by letting others make decisions like our parents, partners, or bosses. The problem? Their choices often carry their self-interest, not yours. The less you learn and assert yourself, the more control you lose over your own life.

Other common ways we shrink ourselves:

Chasing outside approval and validation.

Over-explaining our actions.

Feeling guilty for other people’s problems.

Apologizing unnecessarily.

At the root of it all is fear: fear of being wrong, fear of standing out, fear of not fitting in.

But here’s the truth: shrinking yourself doesn’t protect you. It erases you.

And let me end with this:

Never shrink yourself for love. I have seen too many women fall for this. Don’t beg for someone’s time, commitment, or attention. Don’t chase after those who are walking away. If someone truly values you, they won’t put you in that position. Real love holds on, it doesn’t make you question your worth.

You were not made to fold yourself small just to fit into spaces that don’t honor you.

So don’t shrink. Don’t fade. Don’t disappear.
Take up space. Speak louder. Walk taller.

Because the world doesn’t need a smaller version of you, it needs all of you.

Did this article make you pause and think? You are not alone. I have been there and done that. Love to hear from you all in the comments.

Signing out,

Sana