We are all judged.
No matter who we are.
No matter what we do.
Whether we are tall or short, someone will judge us.
Whether we are slim or overweight, someone will have an opinion.
Whether we have short hair or long hair, someone will decide which looks better.
So, what do we do?
Embrace who you are. Enjoy the way you look. Don’t change yourself just to satisfy someone else.
Because the judgment doesn’t stop with appearance.
You can be a good parent, and someone will still find something wrong with the way you raise your children.
You can be successful in your career, and someone will question how you got there.
You can make a lot of money, and someone will have an opinion about how you earned it—or how you spend it.
So, what do we do?
Keep going.
If what you are doing works for you, your family, and your life, keep doing it.
We all judge
If someone tells me they never judge anyone, I find that hard to believe.
As humans, we form opinions about people. Sometimes those judgments come from our own experiences, insecurities, assumptions, or limited understanding of someone else’s life.
But having an opinion about someone doesn’t mean we know their whole story.
And it certainly doesn’t mean they should change their life to fit our expectations.
Women can’t seem to get it right
As women, it often feels like we are judged no matter which direction we choose.
I speak firmly, and I am bossy.
I speak softly, and I am not confident enough.
I collaborate with others and prioritize teamwork, and people assume I don’t have independent thoughts.
I make a decision based on the data in front of me, and suddenly I don’t listen to other people’s input.
I use AI, and I’m told I can’t think for myself. I don’t use AI, and I’m told I’m falling behind.
I stay in the same role for years, and people wonder why I am not ambitious enough.
I move into leadership roles, and someone assumes I must have connections or taken shortcuts.
There is always an opinion.
And it doesn’t stop with our careers.
My kids aren’t behaving well?
I am judged.
I’m divorced?
I am judged. Something must be wrong with her.
I get laid off?
I am judged. Maybe she wasn’t good enough at her job.
Whatever happens, people can create a story about us without knowing the full story.
You will never be everyone’s perfect person
No matter what we do or who we are, we cannot be the perfect person for everyone.
And we cannot completely escape judgment.
So maybe the goal shouldn’t be to stop people from judging us.
Maybe the goal is to stop allowing their judgment to control our decisions.
You know your life better than anyone watching from the outside.
So mind your own business in the best possible way.
Follow your heart. Make your choices. Live with the consequences. Learn when you get it wrong.
And when someone judges you?
Remember:
You were going to be judged anyway.
Signing out,
Sana
Need a little clarity?
I offer 60-minute Life Clarity Sessions for women who are navigating change, difficult decisions, or simply feeling stuck.
The section about women feeling like they can’t win no matter which direction they choose was especially relatable. I love the reminder that we can’t control other people’s opinions, but we can control how much power we give them. “You were going to be judged anyway” is such a simple but powerful way to look at it.
The strongest point here is that you can’t control whether people judge you, but you can control how much their judgment gets to participate in your decisions. Trying to satisfy every opinion just creates a moving target you can never reach. And the AI example makes the point especially well: use it and you're judged, don't use it and you're judged. At some point, you have to stop auditioning for everyone else's approval and live according to your own values.