Stung by a Queen Bee?

“Behind every successful woman is a tribe of other successful women who have her back” – Unknown

That quote hit me hard recently.

I had reached out to a senior colleague, another woman, asking if she could refer me for a role within her organization. She saw my message (I know she did. She’s active on social media). But no reply.

So I went ahead and applied anyway.
Weeks later, I received a rejection email. The hiring manager went with someone else—someone with an internal referral.

I couldn’t help but wonder… what if she had simply said yes?

I wasn’t asking for a favor. I’m qualified, confident, and I’ve helped plenty of people through referrals myself. So why is it that when women climb the ladder, they sometimes forget to send it back down?

That’s when I started thinking about Queen Bee Syndrome, the tendency of women in leadership to distance themselves from or even undermine other women. Is it real? Is it insecurity? Is it the pressure to prove we’re “different” from the rest?

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Women in high-pressure roles, especially in male-dominated STEM fields are often forced to prove their worth twice as much as men. To survive, some adapt by over-identifying with the dominant (often masculine) culture, rejecting traits seen as “feminine” or “soft.”

In that process, they may start to see other women not as allies but as competition, a threat to the rare position they fought hard to reach. And the mindset of “I have faced all the challenges and figured it out. You should too! Why do I have to make it easy for you?” pops up.

And yet, the cost of that mindset is steep.
We lose collaboration. We lose empathy. We lose the very sisterhood that once kept us strong.

It doesn’t stop at the workplace. The same pattern plays out in our personal lives. Between sisters who compare, mothers criticizing daughters for their choices, and friends who quietly compete. Sometimes, it’s subtle. Sometimes, it’s brutal.

I would like to refer to the “power dead-even rule” - a concept presented in Dr. Pat Heim’s book Hardball for Women. The concept suggests that women unconsciously maintain equal power, success, and self-esteem within their relationships, and that friction can occur when one woman outperforms another, disrupting this balance.

Is this even true?

We fear being outshined. We fear being replaced.
But we forget that someone else’s light doesn’t dim ours.

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Sheryl Sandberg once said, “Queen Bee Syndrome is the result of gender inequality that women face in the workplace.”

Maybe she’s right. When there’s only one seat at the table, it’s easy to see every other woman as a rival. But if we believe there’s only one seat, we’re accepting the very system that limits us.

What if we built a bigger table instead? Because when we help each other rise, we don’t just add more seats, we reshape the room.

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Here’s how we start:

• Foster mentorship. Be the woman who sends the email, makes the introduction, or offers the advice you once needed.

• Advocate boldly. Speak up when another woman’s contribution is overlooked. Share credit openly.

• Stay self-aware. Notice when comparison or resentment creeps in. Challenge it.

• Celebrate loudly. Another woman’s success isn’t your loss. It’s proof that it’s possible.

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I’ve realized something simple but powerful:

Every time a woman lifts another woman, the narrative changes. Every referral, every bit of encouragement, every small act of solidarity chips away at the scarcity mindset that keeps us divided.

The hive thrives when the queen isn’t threatened by the buzz around her.

So let’s stop stinging each other. Let’s start building bridges, not barriers.

Because real power doesn’t come from standing alone at the top. It comes from reaching back and pulling others up with you.

Please share your experiences and thoughts in comments. Love to hear from you all.

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Signing out,

Sana